“Mom died alone, among strangers. I will never forgive my husband for this.”

What if she took her mother? – this question will stay with her forever, as will that unfortunate regret. Maybe you should have solved the problem differently? Like? After all, she tried, the task was too much for her. The supportive husband refused, many say he had the right to do so.

“And I don’t know what to think anymore.” Once upon a time people had died in their homes, among their relatives. But the women did not go to work then. It is difficult to reconcile all responsibilities. Though I think if my mom was with us I would have somehow managed – Krystyna sighs heavily.

She is an only child and it was known that she would take care of her mother on her own. She owed her mother a lot because when Krystyna’s children were born, her mother took early retirement to help the young.

– We were at our output then, my husband started the business, then we were building a house. It would be difficult without Mom’s help. She entertained our kids and cooked our dinners. They didn’t like each other with her husband, he said my mother did it to feel important and irreplaceable. I believe she did it from the heart – says Krystyna.

Anyway, they could feel free. Mom stayed as long as she needed. In the summer, the grandmother took the children to her allotment garden, they could go on vacation alone with her husband, take a break from the treadmill. Not everyone was like that, my friends were jealous of Krystyna with so much help from her mother.

– But that’s all in the past, children are grown, they have traveled the world. A few years ago my mother got sick. At first I went to her every day and it was enough, but it started to get complicated – says Krystyna.

My mother lived in a third-floor apartment building with no elevator. She had trouble walking, she started to suffer from dementia. It was scary to leave her at home alone, because it was not known what she would come up with. Because she was still walking around the apartment, only that she couldn’t get down from her floor anymore.

– I thought then it would be best for my mother to move in with us. The house is large, we even have a guest bedroom downstairs with a separate bathroom. But the husband protested. He said he hadn’t worked so hard to watch his sick mother-in-law and put up with her walker and the shuffling of slippers. And her stupid texts, because actually my mom used to talk about things – Krystyna sighs again.

It was a cheek to her, for she thought that if her mother had helped them so much, the son-in-law would be able to take her under his roof in his old age. But the man’s sister supported her brother. She also said that Krystyna does not realize what such concern means that soon strangers will appear in the house in the form of caregivers, that all privacy is lost.

– “And your mother doesn’t care either, because she doesn’t understand much about it. We agreed with ours that if she gets worse, she’ll go to a nursing home. She even chose this house herself.” – that’s how she explained it to me. And she said that her brother is no longer young, he continues to work hard and has the right to a peaceful life – says Krystyna.

She didn’t want to give her mother away anywhere. The ordeal began. Krystyna still works, she didn’t want to quit her job. She was constantly looking for new babysitters, spending a fortune on them, and yet her mother was not properly cared for. She went to her mother every day, tried to live in two houses. She could not move permanently to her mother, as she could not fully envision a life without her husband. Plus, they have a dog and two cats, and he goes on business trips all the time. Krystyna loves her animals to death and couldn’t imagine leaving them unattended.

– I’ve been living like this for almost two years. I was a shadow of a man. On weekends the babysitters would not come, I visited my mother several times a day, sometimes I spent the nights with her. And all the time I cursed myself on my husband, although I sometimes observed my mom’s behavior, I knew he probably wouldn’t take it off — says Krystyna.

But in the end she too fell. She was tired of it. Irresponsible caretakers, living in two houses, lack of time to care for your beloved garden even in summer. She found a good nursing home and sent her mother there.

– The truth is that I was breathing, as if I had been released from prison. On the other hand, I felt guilty. Man is actually a rather strange creature – says Krystyna.

She visited her mother twice a week. The old lady no longer recognized her, her health deteriorated. Then the pandemic came and there were no visitors. The mother passed away a few months ago. Krystyna wasn’t there, she got a call from the nursing home.

– And it touched me then that my mother died alone, among strangers. That it could have been different, maybe she could have died at our house. I will probably never forgive this husband for not even trying me. Maybe I would make the same decision, maybe I couldn’t. But I don’t think I would have regretted that much then – says Krystyna sadly.

Magdalena Gorostiza

PS Name and some details have changed

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